Wednesday, July 14, 2010

61 - Low

This is my second day of splitting up he exercise routine. I did the j-ropes and strength workout first thing before heading off to my seminar. Breakfast was another round of fruit, granola, and milk. (I am so missing my eggs!)

The hotel was a bit better with lunch today. It wasn't a repeat of the meat-fest from yesterday. There was salad, coleslaw, pasta salad, barbecue pork tenderloin, and veggie burgers (alongside regular burgers) with tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, onions, and cheese for topping. I had one plate, no seconds, with portion sizes that one of the people at my table remarked as being "not even a sampling of this delicious food."

Sometimes the evening meals are hard when you're not at home and needing to go out to eat with a person who is totally "sick and tired of your diet". Yup, that's my partner. He did this same thing when I was on PCP. For some reason he can't make his own meals, but won't wait for me to make him something when I'm done exercising. It's just constant complaining about how I'm making him starve, so I'm ending up trying to get him what he wants without ruining my KFB as much as possible.

Anyway, tonight we went to Old Town Pizza, which has a claim to fame of being Portland's only haunted pizzeria. Well, we didn't encounter any ghost, but there was mighty fine pizza. I got a small pizza with artichoke hearts, black olives, mushrooms, and dried tomatoes. The nice thing was that this pizza was most definitely "small" compared to most US pizza places. The second nice thing was that they cut it into eight tiny slices. I only had two of those slices while my partner wolfed down four. (The other two slices came back to the hotel room for tomorrow's lunch for him.) I finished the evening off by doing the flexibility and agility exercises for today.

I will say that right at the moment I'm feeling a bit down. Although I'm in much better shape than I was a year ago, I'm not anywhere near where I think I should be—at least compared to other people. I've lost a little bit of weight, gained a little flexibility, but every time I read everyone else's blogs or see the diet plan there's a little piece of me that is just feeling like I'm not doing as well as everyone else. I look in the mirror and I still see a stomach that bulges out even though I can feel the tight abs underneath. Yeah, it goes away a little when I suck it in, but unfortunately I can't keep it sucked in all day long.

I can fit into medium shirts, size 30-31 pants, almost under 160 lbs, with very toned legs and arms, and yet just the sight of that stomach of mine seems to ruin my day. Usually I'm pretty good at ignoring that feeling most of the time and concentrating on the other positives that I listed, but right now those positives aren't able to do much to redirect my attention from the failing. And because it's summertime and has been real warm, I've been seeing a lot of guys with flat stomachs and abs and I'm just feeling fat next to them. It sucks.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, E! Don't beat yourself up. You're doing great (look at those daily blogs)! And handling the challenges with such honesty. You're dedicated to this project, which is huge!

    I also wonder how to deal with those negative thoughts, the comparisons. Why is it that the sight of a less than model perfect body part can ruin our day (for me it's my knees)?

    Maybe focus on something besides the actually size/measurement. The mental changes, the huge improvements. You're rocking it!

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